Buddhist teacher Haemin Sunim explains why we should look for 'small but certain happiness'

Virgin Radio

16 May 2024, 13:56

Haemin Sunim shared wisdom for navigating life's challenges when he paid a visit to Virgin Radio.

Joining the Chris Evans Breakfast Show with webuyanycar to turn the pages of his new book, When Things Don’t Go Your Way: Zen Wisdom for Difficult Times, the Buddhist teacher and writer explained his background. “I'm a Buddhist monk, I was born and raised in South Korea,” he said. “And I went to school in the US and I was a professor for a while. And then I decided to go back to South Korea, and start this nonprofit organisation, School For Broken Hearts. Because South Korea has a highest suicide rate, and people are suffering… a lot of mental health crisis there. I was helping other people, I was offering different kinds of advice, and that became a book, and that became a bestseller.”

In his new book, Haenim provides wisdom for navigating life's challenges, including loss, rejection, uncertainty, and loneliness. Telling Chris that he loves to walk around in nature, Haemin said: “One of the reasons why we feel so depressed or unhappy is because we lost our mind in our own thinking, with our own thoughts. So one of the ways to come out of those entrapments is to really see what's in front of you, rather than living in your own thoughts. And, of course, when you are outside in beautiful nature, it feels like everything is spacious. So whatever the thought you have, the negative thought is just one little thought. It's not the huge something that's going to just pull you down. So it gives you a better perspective.”

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He continued: “The thing is, whatever we zoom in and zero in on, that looks really huge, humongous. However, if you can just zoom out, and then look around at all the grateful things. One of the ways to feel better about ourselves, our situation, is to look for grateful things, gratitude. I love to text myself a couple of, you know, grateful things that I experienced daily.

“Or you can have a gratitude buddy. Just send it to each other, whenever you see something grateful and thankful, then that can be a great, powerful reminder to feel positive and stay connected."

He continued: “Once you are attuned to your body and also what's happening around you, things are happening without your control. For example, my heart is beating, but I'm not intentionally trying to make it beat. So there is an element of grace, if you really think about it. There's a grace, everything is flowing, everything is just working out. 

“Oftentimes, when things don't go our way, we feel frustrated and disappointed and lose hope. But if you actually step back, how many times were you provided with opportunities that initially you never thought of before?

“And also, the opposite is true. Even if everything goes the way you hope, oftentimes, the result can be something quite negative. Like all those people who got divorced, or people who quit their job, initially, when they got the job, or when they were falling in love, they thought,  ‘This is what I really, really want.’ But the result could be quite the opposite. So, rather than approaching something like 'I already know what I want, and if I get it, then I will be happy,' instead have an open mind. You don't know. We don't know.”

Speaking about Small But Certain Happiness (SBCH), the author explained: “Rather than looking for some big, huge goal, hoping that once that goal is achieved, I will be finally relaxed and happy, I think we should look for small but certain happiness. 

“Living day to day life, there are certain things that make me feel really happy. And so, for example, I love to go to my favourite coffee shop in the morning. And between 10 and 11, the coffee shop is very quiet. And I'll just go there and sit and relax and enjoy a cup of coffee, or a cup of tea. Whatever the activity that's going to make you relax and connected back to your body and to your emotions and feeling, then do that. Give you a space and enjoy the activity.

“We tend to just imagine and make a big plans about our future. But when it comes down to it, it's the daily activity, the little things that we do, that matters.”

When Things Don’t Go Your Way: Zen Wisdom For Difficult Times is out now.

For more great interviews listen to The Chris Evans Breakfast Show with webuyanycar weekdays from 6:30am on Virgin Radio, or catch up on-demand here.